Thursday, September 3, 2009

Girl struggles

For the past year or so I have struggled with some insecurity and worrying about what others think about me or "perceiving" disgruntlement, real or imagined. I have come to a point that I know that what truly matters is how God sees me.

I need to focus on Him, what His Word says about who I am in Him and what He thinks of me. Whether or not others want to be around me or not should be irrelevant, as long as I am listening and following His direction and calling on my life.

But, as a woman, we are easily wounded. I see this as my oldest daughter enters junior high age. She has just started 6th grade and is struggling a little with girl relationships. She isn't the popular one. She is the hard worker that does well in school. She is the one who everyone wants to be friends/partners with when a project is due, but is rarely invited over to "hang out" or sleep over. My heart aches for her and even as I type this I know that as much as I want for her to be "included", it is so much more important that she feels God is her source and not "others". Excuse me while I grab a tissue...

I think this hits particularly close because I was the same way and distinctly remember how much it hurts.....

In fact I still feel often like the same insecure girl on the periphery, trying too hard.... Actually, sometimes, it is easier to not try at all, because rejection hurts too much. UGH!


Mammatalk said...

Repeat after me...."I am a gorgeous, confident, intelligent woman"...
'Cuz you are! Sometimes if you talk the talk, the rest follows. Modeling confidence begets confidence. And, what a great gift to give your daughter.

You go, little lady! :+)

Anonymous said...

Ok, I just stumbled onto your blog and couldn't help but leave a comment on this post. Girls are hard! I am a thirty something mom of three girls as well and oh my gosh, I thought it was bad when I was young. Frankly though I think you are right to say forget it. Who cares? That's what I do, I may not have a million friends but as long as you got one good one, your o.k. I'm sort of relieved my daughter is that way because it seems all the girls her age are way to grown up for my taste. I want her to feel comfortable being who she is. At the end of the day thats all that matters. I think sometimes men are better in this area, they are more matter of fact, gossip less, and are less judgemental on the whole. I had a friend about a year ago just split on me after 8 years because I messed up. She was so rude and didn't even call me to talk to me about it. I didn't even know I had hurt her feelings. Overall, my point is girls are frustating this way, they play lots of games, and can be difficult. I have had to start over in the friend department and its been tough, but I really believe you have to find someone laid back and easy tempered who is accepting of differences. I think that is the key to having a good friend that is a girl. One thing for sure, if you try to impress and not be yourself, you won't be happy anyway, so worrying over what others think can be a real waste of time. Once I let that go, I was free, and no matter what I am living the life I feel good about.

Housewife Savant said...

I hear your pain.
Total agreement.
My head could've snapped off from the nodding.
We can understand our insecurities (being wrong-thinking) and bring our minds in line with scripture, but it IS hard to watch our kids go through the agonies of youth.
My school-aged girls are 6th and
8th grades.
Kids can be mean.
I hear your pain.

Collette@Jesuslovesmums said...

Hi there! I totally understand how you feel about yourself. I feel like this more often than not. As for your daughter I am sure you are doing the best you can and what a credit she is to you! I can only hope my two kids don't run with the crowd. I would hate that .
Love Collette xxxx

Raisingarrows said...

This is one thing I dislike about myself and also love about myself...I care. I have always cared way too much what others think of me. I've gotten better as I've gotten older, but I also know I never want to totally lose the fact that I care. Caring is what keeps me in check when I might possibly be speaking out of turn or might say something unkind or when I might blow off someone else's point of view. It is such a catch 22 though, isn't it?

I am sure your dd is a beautiful young lady and it is so very unfortunate that school-age children act so childish! {{HUGS}} to you and your dd.
Amy @ Raising Arrows