Generation gap

"Mommy, Ali's daddy has an old-fashioned car?"

Thoughts of a polished classic loom in my head. I wonder what model & year it is. "Oh really" I say.

"Yeah, you can't push a button to roll down the windows, you have to crank them..."

Actual conversation

Ni Ni and the boy were having a conversation with me about family relationships yesterday.

This is basicly how it went -

"Uncle Steve is your brother?" (names changed to keep me from being in trouble...)
giggles inserted here
"Yes"
and "Grandma Sally is your mom?"
"Yes"
and "Grandpa John is your dad?"
"Yes"
"Why don't they live together?"
"Mommy's parents aren't married anymore?"
"Why not?"

What followed was my best explanation of what divorce is.

Ni Ni pops in and says "I know why it's bad for people to divorce and then marry someone else?"

Curious, I ask "Why?"

With a grimace on her face she replies "Because when you get married you kiss each other on the mouth and if you then marry someone else you can pass on germs!!!"

I hope she still has this attitude about kissing when she's 18....make that 25!

I feel like we accomplished very little today.

In truth - we actually accomplished a lot.

As the educator, we all watched a good-sized spider disassemble her web on the outside of our patio door. (I've never seen that...) Supervision of homework.

As the taxi driver, trips to school and preschool to drop off, trip to preschool to pick up, trip to gas station, trip to store to buy tools to fix car, trip to doctor for shots, trip to school to pick up, trip to auto shop to drop off car to be fixed.

As the comforter, for a 2 month old who didn't deal well with shots.

Not to mention, ironing school clothes, feeding the baby every 2 hours (part of the comforting), making lunches, etc.

After reading that - Now I'm exhausted, but feeling better about the laundry that didn't get done today..

A Barber of Seville?

Okay, silly title, I know...

Last night hubby finally gave in and let me cut his hair. I have never been allowed anywhere close to his head with the clippers. After we got the clipper blades adjusted, I think it was fairly painless. (His story may be different).

I once watched a movie where a woman cut a man's hair and it was made out to be a sensual experience. Granted we cut off a LOT of hair, but I don't see how it can be considered sensual when you are both covered in loose, itchy hair. Maybe it's more of a power trip kind of thing...

Anyway when we were done, He looked in the mirror and said "I asked for Matt Lauer and I got Al Roker!" To which I replied, "I can't work miracles!"

A good laugh

A Merry heart doeth good like medicine, right?

I snuck a bite of meat at dinner as I was dishing up dinner tonight. NiNi saw me and said - "Don't eat it all" - As if I always eat everything and never leave anything for them.... It added to my bad mood...

Then, I made a comment to Hubby that everything looks better with a little sleep. To which NiNi replies "It also looks better with your glasses on." (Enter rimshot here).

I laughed so hard!! I told her I loved her and she looked at me like I belonged in a straightjacket!

Hubby then told her that she had been redeemed. To which she replied, "By the blood of the Lamb."

Thank you God and NiNi for a good laugh. I needed it!

Why so down?

I am somewhat reluctant to publish this post. I guess I don't want to be judged. The whole idea of starting this blog was to be able to hash out some feelings and ideas and vent a little. So, here goes -

I am feeling very isolated right now. No matter what I do to reach out, I feel shoved into a corner that I cannot get out of. I feel like I could drop off the face of the earth and noone would notice.

I am so tired of running thru the motions every day to have the family rip it all apart so I can repeat the process. I am tired of noone noticing that I worked so hard to make it nice and they don't want to help maintain without being asked, begged or yelled at. I am tired of being the drill master and never the "fun" parent.

I am afraid of rejection too. Afraid of reaching out to befriend others only to find they don't really want me as a friend.

That all said - I know several truths that negate these feelings:

First, that I matter to God and my family. God has given me gifts, talents and abilities that are unique to me. I am important to my family and they would notice if I was gone.

Second, that the enemy, Satan, is on the prowl for those he could devour, and I AM NOT going to give him permission to do that to me! How does a lion devour his prey? He ISOLATES them from the herd before he attacks! I am not a "zebra" who is going to allow herself to be isolated even if the enemy would like me to believe that I already am!

Third, Satan also uses fear as a tool to make us doubt who we are in Christ and to keep us from reaching out to each other. Because together, we are stronger and can make a real difference.

And Lastly, I know lack of sleep with a newborn intensifies all these feelings! My time is wisely spent on my baby and family right now.

So, even though I FEEL like I do. I KNOW it isn't true! That doesn't mean I won't shed a few tears, but I do know that God will dry them all if I go to Him.

Misspoken

The boy and I had cheap Chinese food for lunch on Thursday with Dad. When NiNi asked what we had for lunch, he stated matter of factly

Spotted recently...

On a church marquee....

although I can't remember the exact wording, it was something along the lines of "In the afterlife there's smoking and non-smoking". I couldn't help laughing.

what did they do before the internet?

Sha Sha and I were out alone together this last weekend and she was full of questions about everything. Needless to say, questions that I did not have an adequate answer for. I liked it when my answers sufficed and she thought I was the smartest person in the world. I know it is vain and selfish, but who doesn't want their child to think those things about them.

Anyway, we used the internet later that day to look up answers and she was happy. I learned a few things too.

Did you know that the color of a fire hydrant indicates the water flow per minute from said hydrant? Did you know that hurricanes used to be named after just women and before that, just identified by the latitude and longitude? How about that the abbreviation lbs. for pounds comes from the Latin word libra?

And the children shall lead us....

fall routine

School is underway and the siblings are all excited. I listened yesterday to how "interesting" they thought the school year and the curriculum was going to be this year.

I know things are going to be hectic for a week or two, until we all get adjusted to the new routine.

False advertising and wildlife encounter

Sha Sha has succumbed to the advertising blitz put on by the zoo. They advertised like crazy for their special exhibit this year, which happened to be koalas. Sha Sha asked repeatedly if we were going to go. She has a particular fondness for koalas. I kept telling her we would do our best. The exhibit ends next week and I told her last week when she asked again I wasn't sure if we were going to make it. The temperatures have been so hot and Gigi is so little... Needless to say Sha Sha was quite disappointed, to the point of tears.

So first thing yesterday, we went to the zoo to see the koalas. We headed to see them first, because we were not staying to see the whole zoo and it would surely turn hot soon. When we arrived at the cage to see the cute, adorable koalas they were sound asleep with their backs to curious onlookers. I could have propped a fuzzy pillow in a tree in the backyard and called it a koala and saved myself $40! The docent at the display informed us that they sleep 22 hours a day and could be viewed at the 3:00pm weighing and feeding and they would be awake then.

Why advertise a cute adorable animal that is only awake 2 hours a day? I know none of the ads had sleeping koalas....

During the same trip to the zoo, the boy had an encounter that could have been very bad. The kangaroos at the zoo are free roaming in an area near a path. While the rest of our family was observing a small joey 2 feet away from us separated from the herd (are a group of kangaroos called a herd?), the boy was creeping up on a kangaroo a little larger than him on the other side of the path. We hear another onlooker say "oh, no" and I KNOW it is the boy. I turn around and about freak because I can see the look in the kangaroo's eyes. It says "Come on, buddy, wanna box?"

Needless to say it was all resolved okay, but I'm sure the boy's guardian angel was standing at attention and calling in reinforcements for the rest of our visit.

There's always tomorrow

I did well today smiling and saying things were fine. I collapsed at almost 4:00 when I returned home to a sink full of dishes, 4 loads of laundry to be folded and 1 to be rewashed in the washing machine (it sat too long in 100 degree plus heat). I have a ton to do for the first day of school tomorrow. Copies to be made. Labeling of school supplies. Setting out and ironing of school clothes. Camera batteries to charge. I'm exhausted just thinking about it all.

You are probably saying..... If she has so much to do, why is she blogging. Because I need to vent and this is better than taking it out on my kids or my husband. You can just not read it and you don't have to hear the fear in my voice over the possibility that something will go undone. (Which, by the way, I did have happen today.)

Dinner is cooking and I am praying Gigi stays asleep until its finished and I've had a chance to eat it....

Okay, venting and self-pity aside, I know moms (and dads) all over the country are doing the same thing right now and if for some reason it doesn't all get done - there's always tomorrow. Maybe the "Merry Maids Fairy Godmother" will make a visit tonight...

crazy day

I feel like I've been running all day. It is extremely hot and I think that has made us all tired.

I was thinking this morning that sometimes I'd just like to say to my kids - "just wait a minute, will ya?" Who am I fooling - I do say that to them, frequently too. I am thankful that God doesn't do that to me when I go to him....

Miscellaneous

Our trip out yesterday morning went quite well. We had to go to 2 banks, drop off paperwork 2 places and finish school shopping. We also made a quick trip to the thrift store. Gigi slept thru all the errands. We were out about 3 hours. All the moms sigh with me! Then, Gigi stayed up most of the afternoon and crashed about 8 pm. So I felt like I didn't get a lot accomplished yesterday afternoon around the house.

I just have to readjust to having a baby around who depends so much on me. I had gotten so use to the older kids being so self-sufficient.

The start of school for all the kids is consuming our time. Soccer practices also start the same week. Sha Sha has practice every other Monday and every Thursday. NiNi has long practices on Tuesday, and The Boy starts clinics on Saturdays.

If you don't see much of us, you'll know why....

Gotta go get a load of laundry in and grab a cup of coffee before Gigi wakes up and wants to eat....

Good Buddies

Hubs used to play "Good Buddies" with his younger brother. "Good Buddies" was basically walkie-talkies. I guess it comes naturally to boys, because The Boy was trying to use the baby monitor receiver yesterday as a walkie talkie to talk back to the baby and was quite irritated when he didn't think she heard him....

The Boy

The Boy and I have been battling it out and hubby and I have decided that he is struggling to find his place in the family now that he is no longer the baby. We have also decided to put him in "school" two mornings a week. We still have to get the details worked out, but hopefully he'll start around the time the girls start school.

I think it will be good for him to have people his own age to play with sometimes and the teaching certainly won't hurt. I also think it will prepare him some for kindergarten structure. I sound like I'm talking myself into it, don't I?

Over my head

Have you ever made a commitment to something and then wondered if you were in over your head? I have done that recently. I made a commitment to something that I really feel God has for me to do, but now I am questioning exactly how it is going to happen....

I know that the challenge and stepping out of my comfort zone is a good thing, that's the only time growth can happen. I know that I CAN do it, but I question whether or not it will be to the standard expected....

I also know that Satan puts these doubts in my head to keep me from living up to my potential and what God has for me. I keep quoting Jeremiah, "For I know the plans I have for you," declares the LORD, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future. I also keep quoting Phil 4:6 "Don't worry about anything; instead, pray about everything. Tell God what you need, and thank him for all he has done. If you do this, you will experience God's peace."

A return to normalcy?

Well, ShaSha and NiNi made it back from camp in one piece. They enjoyed themselves and learned a lot. We have had some conversations about things they learned and I am glad we made the investment. They were also exhausted. They went to bed at 9 pm and there was no half hour of giggling and talking (they are girls after all). They slept until 9:30 am and we had to wake them up to get ready for church. NiNi could have slept another 2 hours.....She will be the teenager who wants to sleep until noon on Saturday.

Sha Sha was glad to be home in her own bed and said she missed all of us. Ni Ni said she didn't miss the boy at all but as soon as she came in the door they were glued together and playing. Ni Ni also said she forgot she had a baby sister while she was gone.... ShaSha replied that she should be glad that Gigi isn't old enough to have her feelings hurt.

Gigi is grinning more today. That made the 3 am feeding more bearable. That and the fact that I had a shift of sleeping from 11 pm until 3 am....

Hubs tells be that he likes to read my blog to see what I am thinking. He also tells me that I should never write erroneously about him for the world to see.

Gigi thinks that anytime I hold her is a good time to sleep. Hubs gets most of the grins and coos outside of the ceiling fans of course. It makes me a little jealous, but on the other hand, he can always get her to sleep, so I should be rejoicing....

I don't know how single parents can do this. God definitely designed families the way he did for a reason. Parenting is a team sport....

I NEED Caffiene

Well, it was another 3 am night....and up again at 6 to eat and stirring now at 9:30 am.

It did give us an opportunity to watch a movie last night that wasn't too bad. It was called "Stick It" and it was basically a commentary on girls competitive gymnastics. There were a few things that I could have lived without.....But overall, a decent way to kill time while waiting for Gigi to sleep.

I gave up coffee at about 8 mos pregnant because of acid and heartburn issues. I really haven't had but maybe 1 or two since then, which would be about 2 1/2 mos....

The more 3 am nights that I have, the more tempted I am to give in and jump back on the caffeiene express.

Gigi only has 1 1/2 weeks until school starts to get this sleeping thing worked out. I wouldn't mind getting up at 3 am for a feeding as long as I had a shift of sleeping before that. What is killing me is the fact that she falls asleep at 8 pm or so and gets up at 11 and wants to stay awake until 3.

You know what, Starbucks - here I come!

THE Boy vs. Mom

Today was a difficult day. The Boy got his own breakfast and left out 1/2 gallon of milk. By the time I made it to the kitchen and saw said milk, it was too far gone.

Every time I put Gigi down to nap today, The Boy would go in to comfort her every time she stirred. Keep in mind that his idea of comfort is to scream "That's okay baby" while giving her the equivalent of a good slap on the head. Needless to say that Gigi didn't respond too well.

The Boy also did several things that he knew he shouldn't to get Mom's attention today. Sneaking in Mom's bedroom to watch TV without permission. Throwing his laundry on the bedroom floor instead of putting it away and just all out ignoring Mom's directions. These things were all performed while Mom was feeding Gigi. We certainly have jealousy issues....

I did sit down and play Memory with him this morning and curled up in bed this morning with him to watch cartoons.

I did end up in tears as I felt that I was spread too thin. Yes this is the same mom who two days ago was lamenting the joy of having the burden lightened by having two at camp.....

I suppose the lack of sleep last night didn't help the situation any either...

The honeymoon is over...

Well, after 3 nights of sleep, Gigi has decided that nighttime sleep is not for her again. 3 am seems really late when THE Boy is up at 6 am.

Besides being really tired, there isn't much new to report....

THE Boy is out with Grandma tonight and Hubs and I are alone with only Gigi. I wish we would have appreciated the 1 child situation more with the first.

I should go accomplish some things. Laundry, dishes, decluttering....

or maybe I'll sleep....

Missing you...

It may be a little corny, but I am already missing ShaSha and NiNi. I know they are having a great time and learning a lot, and that makes it better.

I miss their smiles and believe it or not, their chatter. It is soooo quiet.

I anly dropped them off 23 1/2 hours ago....

I also miss their help with the chores.....

All a matter of perspective....

Going from 4 kids to 2 for the week has reminded me that our perspective on life is so tinted by our personal experience.

For example, I didn't cringe today when hubby suggested I bring the 2 out for lunch with him, but had he suggested this when my Ni-Ni (2nd) was 6 weeks old, I would have laughed in his face....

When I had just one child I wondered how stay-at-home moms got anything done. Now when I am home with just one, I feel like I can accomplish anything....

The fact is that this translates to all areas of our life, including our spiritual walk. The more we are in The Word and learning and growing the more our horizons can be expanded and our perspectives on life can change. When God puts an opportunity in front of us, we can respond differently than we may have years or even months ago.